Reply- Defining Yourself

   I have gotten multiple questions in reply to my previous blog about the different labels that lesbians use to define themselves. For example, "I dress femme and butch? What am I?"; " Do femmes have to date butch and vise versa?." etc...
   Labels can be a tricky topic. Labels can give you confidence on how you see yourself or how others see you; or labels can be taken too seriously and they can end up limiting you if you get caught up in them. This is why I have my "Lesbian Spectrum" theory; this way, there is no definite category you fall into- plenty of girls fall into the middle. Why limit yourself?
   As for who dates who, I have seen it all. I have seen butches with other butches. I, myself, have dated a femme before. The only problem with this is two lesbians too much alike can end up fighting for the more feminine/ masculine role. I'm not saying it can't work, but each situation is different so always give it a try and make compromises.
   As a person, you have to get past that exterior of each lesbian and see the person and character within. Of course, everyone has a "type" physically, and that is okay too. The physical qualities is what first reels us in to get to know the person- not to mention you will eventually have sex with the person if you want to get serious (or not ;) )- you need to be attracted to them. My point is, it may surprise you- if you let your guard down and stop getting caught up in the redtape of labels- just whom you might end up being attracted to.
   In the end, each person is different. Remember stereotypes are a very general thing, and how you see yourself is much more important than how someone else sees you.
-Dakota

Calibrate Your Gaydar: The Lesbian Spectrum

The Lesbian Spectrum

    I have been getting some complaints from some ladies that claim they have a “broken gaydar”. I like to think that your Gaydar isn’t broken; it just needs to be calibrated. I should know- I am a scientist. ;) Here is a tool I created to help you calibrate your Gaydar.

   

   For those of you new to the Gay Community, start out with the easiest side of –what I like to call- “The Lesbian Spectrum”. Now most every gay girl out there can spot your stereotypical lesbian- whom I like to call “Barbra Butch”. If you are new to the gay community and are not sure about even that much, just look for short hair, no make up, baggie pants, boxers, other “masculine” qualities. Now for those of you ladies who hold more “masculine” characteristics (and I quotation masculine because I do not believe in labeling what is a male or female traits excluding anatomy), I am not hating on you. I think it’s very sexy when a gorgeous girl can pull off a hott style even when wearing, what is not considered by society, a feminine look; BUT, you have to admit, you are just a tad bit easier to pick out of a line up. Dead Give Aways: She offers to fix your car; she resembles a sexy female lumberjack (or lumberjane); she doesn't own one wired bra; she loves women's locker rooms.

   Now for those of you who have a tad more experience, take it up a notch to the intermediate level of the The Lesbian Spectrum- also known as “Sally Soft Butch”. She is a little harder to spot, but has still maintains qualities that keeps her from blending in with the hetero crowd. She may have shoulder length to short hair, baggie pants (or tight punk rocker pants), an “I LOVE BOOBIES” bracelet, and little to no makeup. This girl will cause people to question whether she is gay or just a hott tomboy.  This is the girl who with be attracting both the butches and the lipstick lesbians because she holds qualities of both. Lucky, lucky girl. Dead Give Aways: No one is ever sure if she's gay; she plays softball, lacrosse, golf, or rugby. 

  

Lastly, for those of you seasoned and accomplished lesbians, you are ready to dig a little deeper than physical traits and take on the hardest level of the spectrum- “Lucy Lipstick.” Unlike the other two levels of the spectrum, Lucy can blend in with the straight girls- so you need to spend a little time with her to spot these small qualities that can expose her true sexual orientation. Being as I belong to this group, here are some examples: She reads a lot (I don’t know why I just feel lesbians read more than straight girls), she watches the L word, she doesn’t have a boyfriend, she’s flirty and a little forward or makes lots of eye contact (or else Barbra Butch would never figure it out and poor Lucy Lipstick would never get laid). I wear a rainbow ring off base- subtle but definate. Honestly, the only way you really get a clue who could be a Lucy Lipstick, is that gut feeling and intuition that you gain the longer you play the game. Remember I said GUT feeling; don’t get that confused with something lower in your pants. Dead Give Aways: She has a tongue ring; she has posters of kate moennig; she does not own an excess amount of basketball shorts; when she puts her hair in a ponytail, she doesn't use a pound of gel to slick it back; she walks around eating tacos with no meat.

   Remember ladies, none of these characteristics are set in stone; no one lesbian is alike. There are plenty of girls who associate with more than one part of the spectrum. Have fun crossing to another side for a day or mixing stereotypes and broaden your horizon. I just bought some guys baggie jeans that I wear with boxers, a tight shirt, and makeup (bc I kno Sally Soft Butch gets the most ass). I still cannot decide if I want to be Sally or just sex her up. No matter what you label or don't label yourself, just remember to calibrate your Gaydar.                                                                                                                      

                                                                                       -Dakota

Femme Lesbians Need Love Too

Being in the military as gay woman, I’m guessing most of you are picturing a butch, stocky, short-haired woman who doesn’t shave her armpits and is handy with a wrench. Well, lets nip that theory in the bud. I am 5’ 10”; have plenty of hair (but not in my pits); and I do not know shit about cars…or softball for that matter. NO not golf either! Jeez, guys you are killing me. Come to think of it, why do lesbians like golf? Maybe because the goal is to get something into a tiny hole?   But back to the point- I do wear makeup when I feel like it, and I am a big fan of dresses.

Although I do hate stereotypes, they are stereotypes for a reason and, yes, they do often hold true in the military. I can spot a lesbo from a mile away…the problem is they can’t spot me. Of course, with the repeal of the “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell” (DADT) not being active yet, its not as if I can jump up and down, waving my arms and scream “OVER HERE! IM GAYYYYY! I LIKE THE VAJAY JAY!!! I NEED TO GET LAID!” Unfortunately, I have to be a lot more subtle. I suppose I could cut off my hair and wear some baggie jeans but I just refuse to do that.  Not that the look can’t be pulled off by many women (and very well might I add); it’s just that it’s not my style.

For those of you in the same situation I have come up with a few techniques that might turn your luck around.

1.)    The Subtle Taco Technique: walk around eating tacos with lettuce and cheese only, and when your dream girl asks you why you are eating your tacos with no beef on them, reply “I love tacos. I don’t eat meat.” Not only will you drop a “subtle” hint, you will be drawing attention to your lips by eating those tacos.

2.)     The Subtle Arts & Crafts Technique: If you and your dream girl have mutual friends but she STILL doesn’t know your queer, bring some scrapbooking to a casual gathering. Say you are doing it for a “present” so you don’t seem too geeky. As you are cutting out pictures, casually say, “I just love scissoring, I could do it all day.”

3.)    The Plan B Technique: If you have tried dropping all the “subtle hints”  you possibly can- and your dream girl is still totally clueless, I have come up with the “Plan B Technique”. Put yourself in a position where you are close to her, when she looks at you, make yourself trip a little and then kiss her. When she looks at you like you’re totally crazy (which she probably will) sensually say, “Sorry I fell, and your lips were the only soft place to land.” Bat your eyelash, cross your fingers, and hope the cheesy pick up line takes the attention off the creepiness. 

Remember ladies, with the right amount of confidence, a rockin look, and enough desperate lesbians you can pull it off! Best of luck, my straight-looking lesbo friends!

                                                                                                                                -Dakota-